What I think of at this age

It is been 4 month since I wrote my last post and that was last year. Fiuuh.. Sorry to myself not to spare my time to write that time too long. It is 18th April 2016 night tiring after campus hours. I have got my gift from Mas Eksyan in the beginning of April. A red jacket; things I need very much in this dramatic rainy season. Thank you, Love. Second gift comes from @surakartavintage, a giveaway gift. I have been so lucky to have an impressive vintage chair for free. I was surprised that my name listed in their instagram announcement. Thank youu, it is already noted in my schedule to visit their vintage gallery someday when I be at Solo.:)
Third, I thank to Fitri and Adit because they make my dreams come trueee. Ew. I mean they invited me to cook together and I choose the recipes and the best thing is all the recipes done wellll. Thanks for letting me know what evaporated milk is as well. Hahaha.

Soo related to the title above, I might be think too much about my college life. I am at 6th semester nowww. I’ll be facing my job training and thesis soon. I am quite excited about this 2 things because it means that my graduation seems so near. I am a bit tired of this all college stuff. Sigh. I already consider to take linguistics topic for my thesis. It always makes me curious since the beginning of the semester till today. Wish me luck. This last 3 months I took the opportunity to do part time job as a web admin. It helps my savings and I can earn more for job training preparation. I also think of start considering to join one of health care insurance. I do need to talk to people who know it better than I am.
It should be enough for me to write. Don’t you want to send me birthday wishes? :)


I can hardly describe



This is being too strong. An invisible bond. A feeling that keeps warm. A feeling that grows rudely so it cannot be stopped by anything..
A little silly possession. That hopes for the earth spins a little fast. But it has to wait. It takes a little patience. Patience of nothing. A condition that not totally agree yet.

Even both, maybe, in a deep inside of them, silently whispering the same wishes. To make it quick. To make it happen.

So that it may conclude, at 2 AM, in the middle of the night, both share their thoughts, their spirits that trap in their heads this time too long. A sense of playing fluffy hair. A taste of something never before. A feel of everthing in a whole. Unite.

Still About Daddy

This morning after took shower I discovered my dad opened up some old photo albums. I wondered what he did when I was in the bathroom. Lately I knew, he took pictures of little me and my brother from the old photo albums into his phone gallery..and it got me tearing..
I almost had not finished my breakfast thought of that while waiting he took shower. I do not know how it feels when I be at my dad’s side. He used to silent, he seldom talked to me for anything. He picked me up at school everyday but we did not talk to each other. When I did some faults or got C on my test, he was always angry. He never stopped comparing me with others who got better even best than me. That thing made me intimidated. So I tried to push myself reached aims in my best, I solved problems on my own and said no complains about what I had to face or obstacles I found in the middle of the way. I often lied to him and pretended that I got them all good because I was afraid of his anger. I did not want to show him how hard it was. After all the achievement I won, he never said he was proud of me..
Now I know, all he did in the past, is to make me stronger and be independent.
So thank you daddy. He spreads his love to me my whole life from hard lesson he taught. A parents love is such as my dad keeps given food -which he knows I like it the most- and brings it home for me or when he buys me supplies or my favorite biscuits or waits me home late night from college. A parents love also can be my mom cooks delicate meal and imagine the way I eat pleasantly or when she purchases a new veil then she gets me one of it too, or when she found a green-tall-exclusive water bottle she just gives it to me though she needs it for her routine exercise water supply.

I need to tell you that. I never told this to my parents.
I ever fell from the motorcycle and got an accident on Jl. A. Yani and it leaves some fancy scars on my palm and ankle. All my parents knew was the motorcycle was ridden by my friend so he was the one and only trouble maker. The fact is, I was the rider. So I caused this accident, the motorcycle I used was my friend’s. I broke its front headlights, front right light and almost all the front parts of it was broken..:(
Do not tell it to my parents, please. It was over years ago and what’s past is past. Hahahaha.

Not yet finished…

Someday when I read this post, I will remember that I write this a day before my dad’s birthday at my workspace and I think of him a lot. I was a sissy daughter, yes, I am. It is been a long while ago I thought that I needed to write this but I never did yet. I have no guts to show my love and concern to him though I never let a sec pass without thinking of him.
He is a wise and loving dad.
He is my first and strongest guardian.
He is my best one.
He may not talk too much, but he always has his eyes to me.
I was his golden little daughter. Remember he used to pick me up after school and take care of me. It happened in 2003, he brought me to drawing course too early at school. I lately discovered that no one there so I ran quickly to the gate saw him rode his motorcycle a bit away. Scared of something bad, I tried to chase him, shouted out “Ayah… Ayah… Tunggu..”. Lucky me, he heared me and stopped his rode. He turned around and brought me to the school again, had some rests. He calmed me down, bought me a drink and I felt no worries anymore.
Or when my school flooded, 2010, he carried me pickaback so that my stuff did not get wet. And he got wet…

Thing I cannot resist this time while I am writing it is crying.. So much memories with him. So much stories to share.
Till we found that we needed to moved to a new house, we made some decisions. Decisions that made us apart.

PS: this actually a draft but I publish it, soo I am gonna continue to write in any other spare time. Cheers!

Do we really look alike? O.o

Do we really look alike? O.o

Today’s Quote

Hate is not the opposite of love because hating some one means you are still attached to them in some way. Indifference is the true opposite of love because be indifferent means you have no physical or emotional attachment to that person anymore.

Happy holy friday. Eid Mubarak 1436H :)

Advices Along the Journey

While I was waiting Mas Eksyan did magrib prayer, I unexpectedly remembered to write our very first time journey to Semarang. We went from Surabaya with Rahman and Mas Rizal (Mas Eksyan’s work partners) by train. I got mad in the beginning of the trip because I felt terrible without any exact reasons. After argued with Mas Eksyan, I was better..so strange TT

Arrived at Semarang Tawang Railway Station, I adored the building sooo much. It was a colonial building. Then, we walked around Semarang and got directions only from GoogleMaps, policemen, and local people. One thing I noted about Semarang was there were many small stands gave unexpensive food price. We spent less than 10,000 IDR for each time we ate. On the our first day in Semarang, we got no transportation except our own feet. I felt like a backpacker haha. At the night, we slept in the mosque near Simpang Lima.

At the bus during our next city transit, Solo, we met an old man gave us advices. He began his story by Soeharto presidency era till the advices to get higher education. I thought that today’s young people are not as lucky as we were to meet a person who told many things about life lesson.

Moreover, for those 4 unforgettable days, I highlighted in my mind several points made by myself:

1. When you were far from home, find save public facilities to take rest and charge your devices’ battery (Indomart Point is the best place to visit, of course)

2. Don’t trust GoogleMaps at all. Ask people nearby for better direction and information.

3. Distinguish time/ money for shopping and buy daily foods. That’s gonna so much better to not shop too much stuff in your trip (make your bag heavier but your wallet thinner :(

To prove this post is based on the real situation, here I give you our photo in front of Lawang Sewu


April Again

After viewing my photos on facebook for the previous April, I was wondering how time runs very fast. Every April, I celebrate my birthday with a few friends of mine and it happens steadily year by year. Sometimes I realize that I only have them and my separated parents also. I would like to thank them because they are never giving up on me no matter what I do. For all the bad behaviours, invective words and so many times denying to see several people.. it is just an expression.:) I really don’t mean to do that. Haha.

This upgrowing ages, I swear I will take so much efforts to make myself better. I swear to take showers at least twice a day, never forget to sweep the house every morning, drinking more water, learn to iron my clothes, regularly checking my motorcycle’s tire, and study harder than before (to be honest, this is the hardest thing to do). Then, I extremely wish to purchase a new laptop, save more money and not waste money on unnecessary things.

However, rare idea was slightly crossing my mind : cooking course. I do not know if I can make it comes true this year or not, but I really wanna take the course. Even if my mom is a pro at cooking, I think maybe we can mess up the kitchen together as a duet. Haha.
So please send your prayer for me too for the various things I mention above. You don’t mind to pray for me, do you?. Thank you before ;)

His Month


Never stop adoring this man for his ability to control his anger and the way he sees things. He never promises to fix all of my problems, but he never lets me to face them alone. For this March, I wish he finishes his study soon without any obstacles, grow wiser and more mature. May God always keeps him healthy, happy so that he can reach his dreams more than what he could write on his dreambook. Happy birthday, you.:)

Evening Thoughts

Spend my spare time waiting speaking class ends, now I am at the campus mosque starting to think any random things that possibly cross my mind. First thing is, this is my last chance to join speaking class but I always come late. Since my office is at the north pole and my campus is at the south pole, it takes longer time for me to reach there. The lecturer dealed with me about my late in exact time but I still cannot be ontime come to his class. I probably have to improve my riding skills through the Surabaya’s terrible traffic. Oh no, do not mention the traffic as the only matter that I be late, yet the most matter thing is distance. Distance.

Enough to think of taking this class in the next coming semester, Mas Eksyan said that I must see things in its different angle. It means, nothing loss when I take this class again rather than I have an accident while riding. I think that was very realistic and relieve words I should hear in this time instead of crying and regretting something I cannot change.

Second, yesterday, I’ve made my financial plan for my future. Yey!. I’ve been thinking of having a bank account in specific program that only for saving money. At the last December, Mbak Ulfa suggested me to have it on Danamon Bank. It gives more advantages, she ensured me. With different period of saving, the money we save can be more time to time following the prevailing of bank interest. So, this program is the best way for me who always make great plans of myself. Haha.
Third, I have nothing to write. So maybe I should finish writing and take my meals because my stomach easily hurts this recent days. A dinosaurus probably is living inside it…

Different From A Bicycle

When I was 4th grade elementary school, my late teacher, Mr. Ismail told his students that we never knew how important something until we lost it. I wondered, something was bothering my mind.  I didn’t know what he was actually talking about. After class ended, I asked him what did he mean, and he asked me either..
“Do you have a bicycle?”
I was nodding, still waiting him to continue his explanation. Then he said, “I ask you, how if your bicycle stolen by someone? how do you go to school every morning?.”
He smiled, “Now you know what I mean, don’t you?.”

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